Sunday, March 21, 2010

Team player...

I am positive that I am not alone in this.

Just a few days ago, Michael and I were having a "discussion".
The topic is of little consequence.
I was sharing my frustrations and he was sharing his.
Tears were shed.
There were many "I just don't understand..." and "it doesn't make sense".
I would say something and he would come back with a defense.
I found myself asking; "Why do you feel like you have to defend this situation? I'm not upset with YOU."
He replied...It feels that way.

This was a situation that both of us felt like we had very little control over.
We had both been "investing" in it.
Neither of us were seeing the "fruit" we had hoped for.

I immediately started thinking...why do I do this?
I remind him all of the time that we are a "team".
We are on the same side.
Yet, when we or our children hit "bumps" or we get scared or's as if we turn on each other. It is ANYTHING but intentional. We would actually deny that we are...unless we look at it from the other's perspective.

While I feel certain that every married couple knows exactly what I'm talking about...if they have a child with special needs...magnify that by one thousand! If the "typical" married couple must invest in their marriage, how much more so do the parents of "exceptional" children?
Now I will say, there is something to be said of laying in the "trenches" together...fighting and advocating for your child's life. However, there is trauma that comes along with has to be dealt with and worked through.

As if we have all gone into war and fought a battle...possibly losing the lives of friends along the way. We absolutely need each other.

My prayer is for grace.
In friendships and in marriage.

Continue to fight the good fight friends and remember...we are all on the same team!


Melissa said...

As a pediatric nurse, I've watched many marriages break up over the stresses of caring for exceptional children. I think those couples must work extra hard at communication.

Candace said...

I agree with what you said and what the previous poster said, too. I want to add that it also has a lot to do with viewpoints and committment. Carl and I have, no doubt, struggled up a TON of hills since Faith came. But it has always been an unspoken understanding....Take care of whatever that takes. Few words need ever be said about it.